i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
