So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize