Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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