There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
