you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
