One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
