I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
