she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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