she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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