Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
