Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
