A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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