it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
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