Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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