Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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