Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
God I need to hump something, right now.
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