i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
