I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
