GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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