it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
