my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Are my feet made of real feet?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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