I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize