apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
