I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize