if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
