Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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