so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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