Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
