I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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