Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
