Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Send help, water and tortillas.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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