Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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