What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
