so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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