Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
