I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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