Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize