you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
