please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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