just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
this boner is exhausting
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You made out with two different species that night
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
