It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
FUCK WHALES
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
