Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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