if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
