I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize