Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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