here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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