and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
