Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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