is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
