You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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