apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
