I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
