I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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