if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
