I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
