Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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