i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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