but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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