First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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