dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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