Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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