just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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