I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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