dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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