His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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