Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
