You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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