she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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