my vag is so smooth its legendary
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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