u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
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