I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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