My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
