i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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