I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
