i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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