We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
